After a week of hellish ordeal...

...here's what Paradise I have for the night:

I'm...
In my own suite in gorgeous Chicago
Sitting here in my pj's
Covered in a huge flannel blanket
Tapping away on my wireless laptop
Watching Wayne Brady on TV
Eating my penne alfredo, chicken, and spinach
And an amazing salad with chickpeas
And a huge slice of praline cheesecake
Drinking sweet tea
And I'm not paying a dime for it :)

The best part is, this is the first time in long time I think I am truly content with myself and with being by myself.

Back tracking (is that one word?), yesterday was ridiculously overwhelming between packing, taking the dog to get neutered, cleaning for possible house showings, getting everything set up to take with me to Chicago, catching a flight, finding our way to the hotel, finding our way to Ricardo CTC, and actually focusing on work. Plus I got a huge surprise last night after the exhausting day I had.

Yesterday evening, Reggie took Catherine and me to Papadeaux's: a high-class seafood restaurant with $20 plates. I had the most amazing plate of salmon in a lemon, buttery sauce and thick, juice asparagus all grilled on a palate.

Today was actually a little more laid back for how work usually is. I have to say that Reggie is a great guy and I hope that next year, Claude will send me back to CTC to work with Reggie. He is definitely one of those people I would love to learn from in an internship.

It was hilarious - after lunch today, Reggie took Catherine and me around in our little, black PT Cruiser rental to see million dollar Burr Ridge houses. There was a For-Sale-By-Owner house, and as a joke, Reggie had me call the owner to ask about the house. It was a $999,000 house (yes, not $1,000,000)!

I talked to Bobby the other day and I'm feeling better about this whole school situation. After taking Tim back to Big Rapids on Friday and helping him unpack, I realized he was one of the last to leave for school. I'm jealous that everyone is leaving to go back to school, but excited for the opportunities to come for them and for me. It'll be a blast to visit! I think Vonnie and I have already planned a weekend at State, and I'll be going to Grand Rapids to see Colleen and Joe for sure.

I'm not even sad that this trip is ending tomorrow because just a few moments of feeling spirited was more than I could ask for to rejuvenate me before school and work really pick up again.

Can we trade the day in for the night?

I never thought I'd find what I was looking for
I never thought I'd find the place where I belong

I always thought I'd found what I was looking for
I always thought I'd I known the place where I belonged

Today was Ursula's, the director of HR at Ricardo, last day. I went down to say goodbye and talk to her. Regardless of everything everyone says about HR and what a pain in the butt it is to follow what HR enforces, I've always really looked up to HR or whomever it is that helps hold a group/company/team together. I think it is a difficult job to put yourself aside to meet the demands of your crew while still knowing when you need to put yourself first at an expense of your group. She said to me, "Tammy I honestly don't know if this is the right decision to make, but if I don't try, I'll be kicking myself in the butt 6 months later thinking about what could have been." Simple as that. I wish I were as simple as that.

Whaaat am I doing, I don't know.

I'd hate to walk away as if this never existed.

This morning I woke up and freaked out about everything that's been going on lately. Since then, I've changed my mind every hour.

I hate when I mess things up I can't handle at someone else's expense. It makes me feel guilty to think I'm not dependable for others, and it makes me feel guilty to think I'm not independent.

Wow, what am I doing?





On a completely separate note, I just crossed Karen's LJ and saw dozens of pictures from her recent CSC Novi hangouts. Also, Erin's LJ mentioned that Cheryl's wedding just passed and everyone from Rebecca's went and had a good time. I'm not even going to pretend I'm not dying of jealousy right now.

"Wonderwall" - Oasis

I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

Hmm, I don't really feel like updating but I guess I will.

Prisonbreak started back up this past week, but I missed it :-/ I don't think I'm gonna follow the season this year. Just because it had some sentimental value that I can't handle.

Thursday, I went to the Bosch Car Show in the pouring rain. It was worth it to see everyone for a little bit though.

Yesterday, I drove to and from Big Rapids to take Tim back to school and help him move in. My arms are a little bit sore (I know, I'm sooo out of shape!) from carrying his boxes from the van to the building and up the stairs. My butt is also sore from sitting in the van, which I find uncomfortable. Oh yeah, and before we left for Big Rapids, I went to Ricardo and got my butt kicked by JVA.

Took my doggie for a haircut today, and then played pool with the guys after a nice steak and a visit to CSC Novi.

I dunno, I don't really feel like writing.

Headache, heartache, heartbreak

("I've Got to See You Again" - Norah Jones)

I could almost go there just to live in a dream

When you go through a breakup, everyone that knows or finds out always throw out phrases like "meant to be" and "follow your heart" and "do what you want to do". Where would that have gotten me if I'd always followed my heart and never followed my head? In trouble, is where I get myself when I trust my heart 100%. Sometimes, I think my head knows best when my heart is too confused.

This is pretty cool: "The JCB DieselMax has set the FIA International Land Speed Record for a Diesel-Powered vehicle at 328.767mpg on the Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah on August 22, 2006. The DieselMax streamliner vehicle set two way sppeds of 324.265 and 333.364mpg within the stipulated one hour to set the record. The vehicle is powered by two modified JCB444 Diesel engines developed by Ricardo."

Watched both "Dirty Dancing" and "Dirty Dancing in Havana Nights" on Sunday night. That killed about half my day. But I wish I could dance like that, in fact, I wish I could dance everything! Maybe I'll take it up for my last two weeks of summer just for fun. Yeah I think I might.

Anyway, this Norah Jones song is a song I think I could learn to tango to. Her songs are mostly melancholy, and strangely, I think they sound very holiday-ish.

Oh yeah, Catherine and my trip got rescheduled. I should be there right now, but instead, we're going August 30 through September 1st. I'm debating because I want to take some time off for myself before school and work pick up again. Would it be more of a smooth transition to not stop working and just plow through school when it starts? Or would it be easier to take a couple days off before school starts up...? Well I just looked at the calendar and I've got the rest of this week at work, Wednesday through Friday next week in Chicago, and class start the following Tuesday. So I guess if I want to take a day off, it has to be tomorrow or Friday. Yeah I think that's what I'll do.

Last night, I went to the JCC to see Jay and the class. I can't believe how big it has gotten, and I can't believe who is still training! Supposedly, they're moving the program to a full time class out in a new building in Wixom. It made me regret all the times I stopped trainging and never really picked it back up again. If I still were training as hard as I did several years ago at the peack of my training, I can't imaing how great my progress and physical shape would be now. I might go to see the new school tonight. Maybe I'll take that up for the last two weeks of summer instead. Besides, it's better for me to train in philosophy, defense, and discipline than learning to dance.

Aside from all this, I'm wishing I had the money and time to spare for buying half-season Pistons tickets (or even a mini-plan which I think is 11 games). This'll also be the first year in years I won't be statkeeping, which pretty much leaves me to my TV for any basketball excitement.