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Last Friday, I was at the Michigan Collegiate Fair as one of Ricardo's representatives. What was ironic, though, was that I should have been on the other side of the table as one of the students visiting booths. Most candidates I even talked to were either graduating, graduated, or going back to school for another degree and I am barely and undergrad. One of the perks of going to these things: they had this amazing buffet for the employers and employer representatives. I walked off to eat lunch and take a look around and Lynda was like "Just don't get another job!" Ironically, little do they know, I have been applying to a ridiculous amount of other summer internships that are mostly out of state.
My mom's birthday was this past Friday and we ended up celebrating on Monday at Tuesday's (when she said she wanted to go to Tuesday's, I thought she meant she wanted to go on Tuesday). She likes it there because they have this great salad bar (all-you-can-eat of course).
Friday night, D was supposed to get home from Europe but instead, his flight from JFK to Detroit got canceled. From there, every possible thing that could have gone wrong, went wrong. All night, Maggie and I were trying to figure out what to do. If he took a bus home, he'd have to take 4 suitcases with him on a taxi for almost an hour to Port Authority before getting on a 15 hour bus ride and paying extra money for having so much luggage. There were no more cars to rent except round-trip cars, and even if he could get a car, he would have to pay extra for not being at least 25 and then drive through the bad weather. There were no more train tickets available for the time being, and the airline reps told him the earlier flight out to Detroit he could definitely reserve a ticket for was Monday afternoon. It was such a mess. Saturday, he was supposed to get put on 3 different flights - one was a standby flight that he waited in line 3 hours for, and the third flight was delayed 3 times before finally arriving in Detroit 10:15pm (over 24 hours since he was supposed to be home). His luggage was on the previous flight he was supposed to be on to top it off.
The first thing we did Saturday was rent The Terminal and laugh about it :)
Easy
Too easy
To give into the words that you say
Stupid, stupid, I must admit
It's really weird because... doesn't it seem like the people you love the most also hurt you the most? I feel like people who want what's best for me end up upsetting me more than anything.
I had a conversation last summer with an old friend about wishing to never see someone again. I'm not trying to sound like a suck-up or anything, but I don't think I would ever wish to never see someone again. I might not want to see someone for awhile because of a grudge, but in my head, it makes sense to eventually see that person again (even if not to reconcile).
Someone that has hurt me - I would like to see again and find out if he/she has changed. I think we talked about this the most, actually. Even someone such as my father, eventually I would want to find him, call him up, ask him out to lunch, and tell him after years how I feel about him and what he has done to me. It might be painful, but I would hope that somehow, I could either gain some kind of closure or even better, we'd have the opportunity to start over. At the very least, I might find out he has not changed a bit and then I could just disregard the whole thing. Not that I would ever want to be, but maybe a person has to be unforgivably hurt to wish never to see someone again.
Someone I really cared about but lost touch with - I would like to see that he/she has become successful and maybe have the chance to reconnect. I wouldn't want to grow old and realize that along the way, I never tried to express appreciation to people who have mattered and made a difference in my life. This is why I love reunions. I mean, in the first place, how does a relationship with important someone even fade away?
Someone I didn't really care for - well why not see them again? It is only another opportunity to give them or get another chance to be more than acquaintances. Or I guess it could just confirm what you already think about them. It's like kids that hate certain types of foods and then grow up to realize the really like it.
Someone I have a deep history with - I don't think (up until maybe recently) I have been in a situation where I have no communication at all with someone I had a deep or lengthy history with. Even Kyle and I are still great friends and keep in touch every week or so. I think maybe I would like to see him/her again to see where life has taken them from the person I once knew well.
Someone I never really knew but should have - I was thinking recently about relatives on my dad's side of the family and have been wondering what they're up to. I don't even know how I'd even begin the search to find my cousins on his side. The last I remember, a few of my favorite older cousins were in the army in Taiwan. Maybe about 7 years ago, I saw them in uniform for dinner for about half an hour before they had to return to their base... which means by now, they could be married and even have kids.
Am I just being naive? It's just that I always wonder if people I remember will remember me.
Top Twos
Two Names You Go By:
1. Tamster
2. Tams
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Plaid PJ pants
2. Old sweater
Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Motivation to be something more (for self as well as each other)
2. To always make each other laugh
Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. This is dorky, but work on my aquariums
2. Get-togethers with good friends
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. To be done with the semester
2. To find out I got into a summer internship I applied for
Two pets you had/have:
1. Romeo my Havanese puppy
2. Hammy, a hamster I had when I was younger
Two top friends:
1. Ummmm
2. Too many I want to list!
Two things you did last night:
1. Had a really great drink
2. Worked on a 3000 piece puzzle, hehehe
Two things you ate today:
1. A creamy soup
2. Salmon for dinner
Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Dusan
2. Mom
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Picking up Steven to go to school
2. Going to Ricardo
Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas of course
2. 4th of July for fireworks and stuff :)
Two favorite beverages:
1. Apple juice
2. Pepsi
Two of your least favorite things to do:
1. Study for or attend math class
2. Wake up early
Two things you want to do before you die:
1. Live in NYC or Taipei for a year or even summer
2. Learn to drift properly :)
Two things you absolutley cannot live without:
1. My puppy!
2. My loaner laptop - haha
Two things you'd change about yourself:
1. Trying not to be cynical and stingy about things so much
2. I'd want to be able to laugh things off more easily too
Two things you would take back:
1. A lot of things I've said
2. A lot of moments I've wasted
Two foods you love:
1. Potatoes of any kind - mashed, sweet, baked, fries, hash browns, redskins...
2. Steamed veggies
Two foods you hate:
1. Tomatoes!!!
2. Hmmm... not a big fan of olives
Two favorite resturants:
1. Macaroni Grill
2. Brann's
Two favorite places:
1. Curled up under my covers
2. Driving in my car
Two fears:
1. Doing progressively worse in school
2. Not being financially independent
While catching myself in the middle of a sentence today, I realized there are some things I hate to admit about myself because I don't like the way they will sound out loud.
I don't want to make excuses for myself, but lately, I think I have become lazier than I was before because I'm a lot less motivated and interested. I'm starting to realize I don't really like working at Ricardo anymore. I'm starting to think kind of badly about a lot of people I work with, which annoys me. I feel like I can never catch up with the endless amounts of "intern" work (to put it nicely) everyone has for me. But simply, I'm starting to feel bored with nothing new lately or no one new, and I'm starting to daydream more than I actually pay attention to reality.
Itching to find out if I received any of the out-of-state summer internships I applied for, I'm also nervous to maybe have to find out I was not accepted and will have to spend another summer doing what I've been doing. In general, I think I'm ready to be somewhere new, do something new, see something new, and meet new people. Does this have something to do with the fact that I've been in Novi/Northville almost my entire life? I feel like I have never really established myself here the way I would like, and I still don't think I'm doing a good job of it during my first year at UMD. I guess I just want a new and different chance to try - or do I just want a different situation to confirm I really do have my priorities all wrong?
The other night, I took Gabe to Jay's new school to introduce the two of them since Gabe is becoming more interested in martial arts. Er I should say... UFC (which is not martial arts). Jay had me go out on the floor and train with everybody (me in my jeans and T-shirt too). Usually when I do this, I just need to refresh my memory before I'm caught up to where I left off. However, last night, I came to a complete brain freeze and still could not complete forms and routine training practices we used to do after working through the motions 3 or more times. I don't know why, but this bothers me a lot realizing that one of the things I've been most passionate about, I didn't even stick to.
Although I have always, always thought I should strive to grow up and be a completely independent and business-driven woman, I recently had a strange, opposite thought: I think I could easily be happy just tending to my various hobbies and taking care of a house/family. Not to offend anyone, but up until now, I would have never allowed myself to be this before being that independent and business-driven woman (especially after seeing what my mom went through in her marriage - I've seen the importance of establishing a "me" before anything else). In fact I could even say I sort of looked down on girls who don't have a personal ambition before wanting to be a wife and mother.
I had a conversation with Natalie at dinner earlier today about someone who purely wants to marry her boyfriend right out of college. She's somehow convinced she'll be making a ridiculously high salary being a family psychiatrist or at least be able to spend the money he'll have (I guess you have to know these two people to understand the irony of this). Needless to say, their relationship is an absolute mess too.
While questioning why long-term satisfaction doesn't motivate me as much as it should, I wonder why I talk gun-ho about becoming successful. But right now, I'm lazier than ever. Is it me who needs the reality check?
