Get down to the heart of it

I find myself categorizing most of the people in my life in two categories:

1. My team a.k.a. "who do I keep in touch with to have in my life for the rest of my life?"

I think it started while being on the robotics team in high school. I remember talking to various mentors and student captains about how valuable different students were to the team, and I think I have sort of thought of people like that since then. For example, there was one student who was (and still is) a very good friend of mine. He was a very interesting person in that he did poorly in school but had the most common sense out of all of us. Not to mention he was an absolute work horse, who did not always see the big picture, but would quietly decide whether or not he agreed with the direction of the team, and he would work is butt of to make it happen. He did not always see things from a leadership standpoint but he was a great follower and was very dependable. So this makes me think, "what qualities do people in my life have that I'd want on my time or my side?" Everyone in my life contributes to different parts of my life in different ways, and which people are worth the effort to keep in touch with and have in my life for the rest of my life? I certainly haven't done a great job at keeping in touch with people from the past, but with email, facebook, phone calls, text messages, and old fashion snail mail (my favorite), I've certainly been making a bigger effort lately to try!

2. My wedding a.k.a. "If I had to get married today, who would be there?"

I don't know when this happened, I think it is because I'm starting to enter that part of life where all my girl friends are talking/dreaming about getting married or they actually are engaged. And I won't lie, being in a relationship makes me think about these long term things too. After all, why date someone at this point in life if you don't see it going anywhere? Especially when my relationship with B has sort of become long distance. We've talked about how temporary we want this to be. I mean I could graduate and find a job elsewhere, and we talk about whether we currently would want to continue pursuing a relationship beyond this stage we're in right now.

Eeek I'm so off topic! But back to the actual topic, I tend to think of my closest friends as the people who will be in my wedding party, especially my best girl friends. If I had to narrow it down to a certain number of bridesmaids, which girls would I have to eliminate and which girls would I choose? And which of that group of girls would be my MOH? And what about the people I want to invite to my wedding? I always wonder, if you have really close friends you don't keep in great touch with (especially family friends you grew up with), do you invite them? I mean, I've been invited to weddings in the past of family friends I haven't seen in years! Of course I would invite all my relatives, but how many of them would actually fly out from Taiwan to see me get married? Most importantly, I wonder what father figure would walk me down the isle. But I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this one :)

Tyrone Wells and Jason Reeves!

My birthday weekend/annual trip getaway with my sweetie

Bringing back more than a memory

I saw you in my dreams last night. I saw you in my dreams when I was eating my lunch, and I purposely ignored you at first because I didn't think it was you. You were there, standing behind me calling my name while I was walking away from you and trying to ignore you to show you I was hurt and angry. But then I turned around to see if it was really you, and I could almost reach out and touch you. You asked where I was going and why I was leaving, and I'm not sure how I even answered your question. But we talked and my stomach twisted into a knot at the thought that you were there with me. I can't even accurately remember how long it's been since we've talked, and I had mixed emotions seeing you again.

My alarm clock rang, I automatically hit "snooze" and dozed back off to try to find you again, but it was too late. I knew now I was only dreaming, but I replayed this scene in my head, as if it were a memory I was replaying. I tried to remember how your voice sounded in my dream, because I haven't heard it in so long. And then I cursed my alarm clock because I hadn't finished talking to you.

Are dreams really answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask? If so, then my brain has surely accomplished this. Even if it was only a dream, I wanted to ask you why we weren't friends anymore and why you stopped talking to me. I tried to fall back asleep and convince myself I could place myself back in the dream again. I wanted answers, even if only in a dream, to find out why things turned out the way they did between us.

I finally woke up and moved on with my day, but all day I've been thinking about the conversations we had. I've been replaying in my mind certain things you said to me, wondering how someone could feel so compelled to say such strong statements but then drop our friendship like a bad habit. I wonder where you are now and how you're doing. I hope you're doing well and know that I dream of you sometimes.

Thoughts in the corners of my mind

Things that have recently always been on my mind and my motivation to get through this hard week:

Copper Beech Townhouses - where I will officially be moving to next semester! The Homestead 4 bedroom condo - where I will be celebrating my birthday with the man of my dreams for my birthday (at no cost!) Family - the guy who has been like a father figure to me (here he is with his family)! Jess - my new best girlfriend (eating her beloved Snackers at Olga's... not sure why she's squinting so much, hehehe)