Something to talk about

My mom taught us how to make dumplings...






And here are some pictures from our annual Walk and Wag fundraiser for the Huron Valley Humane Society:







The Ricardo situation is frustrating, I'm not sure if I've been okay talking about it until now. Basically, I'm sure that they rescinded my offer because someone said "we can't make an exception for this intern". So, loyalty down the drain and all the relationships I've built with people who don't work at Ricardo anymore, my attitude now is "you've pissed me off, don't come back to me again and drag me along". Turns out, they let go of their marketing manager and the VP of Bus Dev/Marketing, now they need marketing help, and they're looking to hire me back as a contract employee. Make no mistake, if I do this, it's because I need the money but will not be taken advantage of.

It's a long story but it looks like there is a prospective job for me working for a very wealthy older couple this year - basically, I'll be house sitting, doing housework, doing yardwork, running errands, etc. for them at their summer home in Charlevoix (about 4 hours north) on Lake Michigan. I basically have my own mini apartment on one floor of their house (with kitchen, couple of beds, bathroom, couch, TV, walk out to backyard) and I get to stay there for "free". They are also covering my food and paying me a decent amount of money each week. It is basically like a vacation but I am just doing chores I would normally do at home. And get this, the man who owns the house who I have been corresponding with is Richard Golden, aka from the commercials "Hi, I'm Richard Golden from DOC Eyewear here to tell you about sexy specs". I feel like only Michigan people know who I'm talking about. Well him and his family sold DOC awhile ago and he started a new company called See Eyewear (there is one on State St. in Ann Arbor), which I think has an interesting marketing objective.

AGHHH back to square one

Apparently I lost a job today that I had not yet started working at. You'd think they would've thought of that before hiring me? Or did someone miss the memo on that? I should tag this one "stupidheads".

I'll be home again before you know it

So a lot has been happening. A lot.

Ricky.
Despite how angry I was when I left and vowed not to go back, I went in to Ricardo over spring break to sit down and have sort of an interview with the new Bus Dev VP, although it ended up being less of an interview and more of (what seemed like) him trying to convince me that Ricardo has not been following the same trend as the economy in Michigan. The only question he actually asked me was about what I want to do when/if I go back. I guess he's just waiting for the financial side of it to be approved before he can give me an answer. So we'll see. A job is a job.

Marketing
Well I've been thinking a lot about switching my degree from Marketing to Accounting. A few thoughts I have with this:
1. I probably won't actually do it, because despite my interest in Accounting, I actually haven't done that well in it, and I think it would take me so much longer to graduate just because it would be difficult for me. At this point, I just want to graduate as quickly as possible and be done with it.
2. It hit me that I have only had experience in certain aspects of Marketing that aren't necessarily considered Marketing, such as heavy experience in PR and graphic design. Do I actually know I would like it? Not really. I haven't actually taken any "MKT" classes yet, in fact I've taken two Accounting classes and a few other business classes I enjoyed (law and MIS).
3. If I end up having to take a job more relate towards advertising, I really think I would run into a moral dilemma in selling something or selling something someway I don't agree with. We were talking about the "sexism/sex sells" part of advertising in one of my classes, and I think I have a real issue with having anything to do with that. In comparison, a big part of Accounting is in ethics that I find very interesting.

Dreams and Nightmares
I have been consistently having dreams and nightmares bringing back people and other things I haven't thought about in so long. I lay awake restless until at least 3 in the morning thinking about all these things and trying to fall asleep thinking about good things. Regardless, all of this has been occupying my mind 24/7, and I feel like I need to do something to reconcile or settle these things. I just don't know what.

People I've Lost
A part of the dreams and nightmares I've been having are related to people I've lost contact with. Coincidentially, I spotted one of them at one of the most random places recently, I was emailed by one, and contacted by another. Lots of mixed emotions. I'm one to cause more drama than needed because I always feel the need to say what I'm thinking/feeling, but I'm trying to restrain myself from making a fool out of myself talking to someone who might not even care.

It must be hard to be with me sometimes

Because I over think things repeatedly and I'm consistently inconsistent.

Beautiful places and inspiring spaces

Well, my trip to England has overall been really great, and my last few days at Ricardo have sparked a lot of mixed emotions.

Everything I wanted, basically happened and in the best way possible.

I had two long conversations with Raul in his office before I left, in which he told me to think about what I want to do next summer and when I graduated. "Let me know what you want to do and I'll try to make it happen.

James also emailed me since I didn't get a chance to see him again before I left. He wrote, "I think the guys were really impressed with your professionalism & work ethic – we’d be happy to have you back over for another stint next year. Best of luck with the studies & do stay in touch – remember, get your piece of paper & then you’re in the driving seat."

After I returned to the US, I got to finally meet the new VP of Bus Dev/Marketing and the new Marketing Manager, both who were hired/started while I was away. If I had decided to stay, the VP would have been my new boss, and the Marketing Manager would be replacing a lot of my responsibilities (this position was open for a very long time and I was filling in for the responsibilities in the interim).

After a few long conversations with them, John (the VP) was quite frank to tell me what kind of work he could see me doing for him if I came back. He asked me point blank if I thought I would return, and I told him bluntly that I him and Bryan (the new Marketing Manager) would have to "get this department's act together" and then I would decide.

Both are incredibly smart and outgoing people, perfect for these two position. They have the experience, drive, and fresh perspective that we desperately need in order to straighten things out around Ricardo and take charge of our strategies. I am so happy for the future of this department and can't wait to see what happens!

A few pictures from Brighton

Some department store that was broken down into sections by brand - apparently there is a brand called Tammy :)

Here's the Brighton Clock Tower - here's what it says on MyTravelGuide.com: Built in 1888 to commemorate Queen Victoria's Golden Jubilee, the clock carries portraits of the Queen, Prince Albert and their son, the future Edward VII, and his wife. Above the clock is a gilt copper sphere, a time ball that once rose up a mast every hour and fell on the hour. The mechanism is no longer in use as the council had so many complaints from local residents about the noise.


This is an art piece at a small museum inside an old church:


Here's the view from the beach. Not the kind of beach you are thinking of though. This one is rocks (instead of sand) and ice cold, violent water. Not pleasant to hang out in, but still beautiful. My hotel is right after the brick building - it is the the cream colored one with the black balconies (kind of hard to see). All along that brick area you see between the beach and the road are clubs, pubs, and restaurants.

The ugly skeleton of a pier that was burned down a few years ago:

Apparently, Thursday is the new Sunday

So I haven't been out as much as I thought I would this week, I mean around Brighton (grrr). I actually worked late hours two days because I made the mistake of telling the office back at DTC that I'd be checking my email regularly and that I had a phone number at my desk here. What it comes down to is, I haven't been able to do any STC work and I've been stupidly taking on more DTC work while I'm here.

I would have hoped I had more control over my time and that people would leave me alone a little bit more since I am not at DTC, but in fact, it has been the opposite today. Dean asked Janice to contact me and requested a few time consuming things, and with the distance/time difference, I did not get this request in time to finish it before 5:30pm here. I ended up staying quite late. It was quite frustrating but I didn't know how to say "too bad, no I can't do it".

I think a part of the problem is that I feel bad for doing a half-ass job on certain events and projects, but the other part of me argues "I had to do it, I just couldn't get it done before leaving for STC because it is just too much work!" The second part of the problem is that the department does not exist anymore so I don't have anyone else to direct questions and inquiries to. Andy and Simon over here at HM were in awe of what kind of stress I allow them to push on me - especially since the phone keeps ringing and ringing for me and it is always more work for me to do. I'm not answering the phone anymore, forget it.

Anyyyyway, separate from the bitter side of me.... I went out to lunch with the Harrington McDermott team on Tuesday afternoon(!!!!!!) They're such a great group of guys, I am so excited to be here working with them! They are what I imagined and more: super talented, witty people, strategic planners, and kick ass!

I had a long chat with James before lunch and during our walk to the restaurant about my possible future at HM and about how things are going in the US. He was very keen to the idea of having me work for HM from now on, separate from Ricardo (which was my hidden agenda to bring this up) but he said there are a lot of complications regarding visas, work permits, and how that affects taxes. But he did say there is a good possibility. One particular concern he had was that he felt Ricardo may have a really bad reaction to the situation if I take everything Ricardo has invested in me and go to HM, which I have a hard time wrapping my head around because I'll be really working for them no matter who signs my checks at the end of the day. More to come about this. I'm not leaving until we get a little closer to a decision (aka I'm not leaving until I've had a chance to convince them this is a good idea).

I went bowling with the IT group on Tuesday which was a ton of fun. It was so weird to finally put names to faces of people I've worked closely with in the last couple years! Here are some funny pictures:



I haven't had a bad meal so far, although I've been super super cautious. I look at the number of people already in the restaurant (if it's busier, I think the food is probably better) and the menu before I walk in. But part of it is that I've gone to restaurants that Claude and Tina have recommended, have just gone to the grocery store for ready-made sandwiches, or have eaten lunch at the canteen at STC.

Went out on Thursday night with Nicholas, Lauren, and two of Nicholas's friends and got t-r-a-s-h-e-d. We went out on the Brighton Pier to a bar for beer and then I had my first try of Pimms (yum!), back on the Seafront to a Chinese restaurant where we beer and sake with dinner, and then out to the Honey Club (it's on wikipedia... weird) on the seafront. I was so hungover the next morning, I passed out on the couch in the HM conference room for like an hour in the morning (embarassing! oops). More funny pictures to come - I have to get most of them from Lauren anyway.

Getting ready to live off of fish and chips!

My hotel, literally on the seafront across the street (I should have taken a picture of the seafront, oops!)

Well, I'm here and I am soooo jetlagged and exhausted. I think being 5 hours off here is much worse than being 12 hours off in Taiwan!

Rewinding a little bit, my goodbye lunch and last (sort of) day at Ricardo was good. What threw me off is that I sent out a goodbye email to say goodbye (obviously), and a lot of people seemed to take it as a "say goodbye and send me all the work you need done right away". Grrr.

Everything is going well so far... the flight, the ride from the airport to the hotel, the food (cross your fingers for me!), the people, the weather... I've been too non-functional to actually do or see anything around here. I took a long walk yesterday to find a place to eat but I was just trying to stay out of my room and awake.

The only thing that is kind of annoying me is that the toilet in my hotel room keeps doing crazy things. I think the water pressure just isn't enough for the toilet to actually flush, so I have to use a small cup to try to fill it up with enough water before it will flush. How does a toilet work? I need to figure this out so I can figure out how to get it to properly flush. I'm too settled in the room to ask for a room change, and something tells me I may run into the same problem in a different room anyway.

Buuut I'm going out to lunch with the Harrington McDermott group today (yay) and bowling with the IT group tonight!

More to come, I'm supposed to be working right now but my computer is super slow.

My farewell email to Ricardo friends

The time has finally come for me to leave Ricardo and finally focus on finishing my degree as a student! It’s hard for me to write this because Ricardo has become a big part of my life and Ricardo people have become like family to me in the time that I have been here. Thank you for your support, life lessons, friendships, mentorships, and your day-to-day kindness. I have had an amazing experience working with all of you and I wish you the best for the future! Keep in touch!

Start counting down, not too much longer now!

This is where I'll be staying for 2.5 weeks!

This will be my "backwards graduation" party

An important part of the transition is thanking the important people who have gotten me to this point. So this is the next big email that went out, but this time, to a very small number of people:

As you know, my last day at Ricardo is Friday, August 15th since I have made a big decision to transfer to Grand Valley State University as full time student until I complete my degree. I have also been able to (finally) solidify the details to visit the marketing team in the UK from July 27th through August 13th so I will be out of town for a majority of the time before I leave. I would like to celebrate my “backwards graduation” with you, who have been some of the most important people to me in the last few years (throughout the time I have been at Ricardo and throughout the first few years of my college career). I hope you know that I truly appreciate the friendships and mentors you have become to me! I would be honored if you (and your significant other if he/she can make it) could meet me for dinner at:

Buca Di Beppo
On (date and time)

Thank you cards are already written and ready to go :)

I tried not to sound too bitter or too excited

I got my travel in and I guess the trip is back on again! I'm not going to say who because I'm not in the clear yet (I can't say terrible things incase someone finds this before I leave) but, someone said to me over the phone the other day "the next time you call me, I want you to tell me that after all they put you through, you decided you are going to England on someone else's dime and you're going to get drunk every night and have a ball". I don't want to make the trip quite that useless (although I'm looking forward to drinking legally), but I'm still bitter about the series of events that ranged over half a year to make this work out! Here's the first notice I gave. I tried not to sound too much like I was saying "screw you" or too much like I was saying "screw you, I'm going to go party"

All,

I wanted to make you immediately aware that it has been finally decided I will be going to the UK from Sunday, July 27^th returning Friday, August 8^th. I will be here at DTC the week of Monday, August 11^th with my last day at Ricardo being Friday, August 15^th.

More to come tomorrow about what I’ve decided I can manage to complete before I leave. I am trying to balance and finalize the list between major projects for both departments before I officially send it out.

Regards,
Tammy

I've come to the conclusion

I take what I said back from my last post.

Working at Ricardo is like being in an abusive relationship.

Just gotta keep on truckin' I guess

It seems that lesson that has surfaced the most recently in my life is that "you just can't have it all".

I feel like different parts of my life are becoming unbelievably difficult while other parts of my life are excelling beyond belief. It is overwhelming to try to find a balance between things that make me cry because I am upset and thinks that make me cry because I'm happy.

While the situation with my family has been at the lowest of lows in all my life, my continuing struggle at work has taken a sharp turn for the better.

I recently had an extremely intense meeting with the President of Ricardo (who I currently report to due to an absence of leadership in the department), his executive assistant, and a marketing manager who has come and gone to her convenience since the same time I started working there.

We were able to sort out a lot of frustrating issues: this problem of incompetence with HR that has canceled my UK internship, this marketing manager who has been irresponsible and cannot commit to her job, me feeling undervalued in comparing my salary to my responsibilities, the overwhelming number of projects and upcoming events I don't have time for but don't have help with, the ongoing issue of not being able to fill the VP of BusDev/Marketing role, and what I need to do to transition what is left of this department when I leave for school in the fall.

I ended up riding with him through a Taco Bell drive-thru for lunch to continue the conversation before the next meeting he had that day. It sounds like a weird thing to do but it was a big step in another frustration I've been having, which is that I don't usually get along with him to begin with.

I am losing motivation the motivation to continue to work through these challenges in my life. It's hard to see the good through the bad, but as I isolate all of the parts of my life, I try to keep focusing on each individual situation and do what I can.

Taking a 180 in what I used to treasure the most

Blogging at work. This is what my jobs has brought me to: hiding out, eating a frozen food entree lunch by myself in my cubicle, catching up on blogs and yahoo's week in photos, trying to avoid getting back to work.

I'm bitter because the plans for me to go to the UK fell through and now I have nothing to motivate me to put up with this job I'm starting to hate except that I need the money.

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Everything at work is moving 100 mph - so many exciting but challenging things happening for me:
- The upcoming annual CTI exhibition is something I've been working on quite a bit with DTS and Quell. It's been a bit difficult trying to find my place with Quell, but I'm in the process of sorting these things out with Dean before the new BusDev VP starts in June.
- Got some exciting projects going on I've taken on in initiating and improving on new tools and resources to educate employees on processes.
- Continuing to prepare for ongoing and upcoming transitions in preparation for whatever may happen when I leave and pass my responsibilities on

On a personal note:
- Working out some new things going on with my significant other
- Spending a bit more time on self improvement by cooking and cleaning more, exercising more now that the weather has been nicer, etc. etc.
- Working on some smaller projects while it is quite and peaceful around home life

I can't believe how much has happened in the last year or so. It's said that the most physical change a human will ever undergo happens in the first year of infancy, but I think this past year has been the most change in life's events more than I have ever experienced in that time frame.

Practicing forgiveness in business

I read about an interview recently with Carolyn Kepcher from The Apprentice (she was Donald Trump's right hand woman). The interview was conducted not too long after Trump fired her from the Trump Organization.

In one of the questions, she was asked if she had an hard feelings about it, and she had a very respectful answer. She didn't comment too much but said enough to let the smart readers know what she was thinking. The last quote she made on the page was "I try to practice forgiveness in business".

Interesting thought, one I need to consider more often. I take my work and my job very seriously because both are an extremely important part of my life, but I guess that is why I am so taken back and affected by any people-type issues I have to deal with in the workplace.

If there's one thing I hate

It's having to deal with something or someone terrible just to get on with the show.

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat

There are days when I leave work feeling like I just spent my whole day getting pooped on (and getting paid for it). It's hard for me to remember the big picture when all I can see are the insecurities that keep me from accomplishing what I hope I'm capable of.

PS - I lied. I guess the internship is not set in stone. It turns out, HR will not make as many exceptions for me as Raul assumed they could, and I don't meet a lot of the qualifications the internship "package" requires. Stay tuned, it's not over yet.

Music please (buh nuhnuhnuh buh nuhnuhnuh...)

(Benny Benassi - California Dreaming Remix)

So many exciting things in the works right now! I sat down and had several meetings with our Global BusDev/Marketing director and it is set in stone that I will be going to work at one of our UK offices for a portion of the summer!

Everyone has been sooo supportive and hospitable about it, I'm so touched I don't know what to say. Before I had even been sure I was going, people were already recommending me places to go and their relatives to stay with, Claude called some of his guys to tell them they have to take care of me and show me around town when I arrive, I've already have several people (including another global executive!) ask me to have lunch with them when I arrive, and our Legal Counsel picked up the phone instantly when I was talking to him and called up his buddy who had just finished renovating an apartment to see if I could potentially stay there.

The group I'll be working with has already been talking about projects I can work on with them. I'm so stoked because this is the group I've been working with (through phone and email) for a few years now and I've always told everyone they have my dream jobs!

Talking with genuinely great executives always wow me with their intelligence, confidence, and insight. With Raul, I find myself trying to write down a lot of what he says just so I can remember exactly how he said it. Not like other executives who *ahem* tell you to your face that they don't want to pay anyone more than they are paying you to do your job -- and yes, this particular person actually said that to me after asking me who I'm passing my responsibilities to when I leave for school.

Speaking of which, I've decided that I will be transferring to GVSU the fall semester of 2008. There are a hundred reasons why and I could list them all out, but the main reason is that the school is a much better fit for me and the situation I'll be putting myself in will be more ideal than what I've been doing. Figured out there was something wrong with it, here's my attempt to change it and make it right. Otherwise I'll be stuck in school for the rest of my life.

Separately, Claude's new replacement started this past week. His name is Scott and I've been impressed with him so far. I shouldn't say he's Claude's new replacement though... I don't think anyone could every replace what Claude has been to me! But so far so good... I'm still keeping my guard up but I'll be excited to see what he does with our team.

The training courses I taught these past two weeks went well - each time I taught it, I'm happy to say I improved a lot from the previous course. My Flash presentation came out real well and I plan on making it interactive so it can be used as a stand alone application (I know that's not what Flash is for but I'm trying to cut PowerPoint out of my life). But from a management standpoint, I was truly challenged by some complicated questions and by some of the most executive members of our company, including our global IT director who was in town for the week.