Get ready and prepare yourself

Life, love, and other mysteries

I was comparing past relationships to someone I am dating now, impressed that he is so self-sufficient, and it hit me. Maybe he is the norm and I set the bar to low to fairly compare. Is it tolerance and naivete that I have been okay with not so self-sufficient boys in the past when I needed a way of justifying my uneasiness about them?

And in general, a person is who they are now, right? Where do I draw the line between deciding when to excuse past and when to take the past as something to watch out for in the future? If I don't really know, is it a risk worth taking to find out?

I need some answers.

Can you feel me falling for you?

The perfect date slows down my world when I take the first few steps towards him when he arrives and makes me forget about 5 minutes before when I was worrying about which shoes to wear and how much make up might have been too much. He smiles like everything around us freezes and looks me right in the eye to tell me I look beautiful. I get a sweet, short kiss on the lips and he pulls away and smiles as he takes my hand and escorts me to the car.

He is on time, keeps me calm when we're lost or late, but doesn't have to keep me calm because he planned directions ahead of time to keep us from getting lost or late. We arrive at the party and he greets my friends a strong handshakes and genuine "nice to meet you's". As I make my rounds around the party, he holds on to my hand but doesn't cling or drag. He comfortably lets go every so often as we make our way between people and tables, but he is right back with me as soon as it's comfortable again.

As I stop to make conversation with old friends, he gently puts his arm around my waist. Not too low to try to grab my ass. He contributes to the conversation and asks intriguing questions that show he's been paying attention and is actually interested. At the same time, he realizes when I'm done with the conversation and politely disengages so I have a chance to move to other acquaintances.

Dinner is as perfect as it gets. As strange as it sounds, he eats politely with a fork and knife. He continues to keep up with the conversation and even cracks a few jokes at the table. Every so often he looks over at me real sly as if to check how everything is for me, checks if I need another drink, or just catches me in a quick smile.

When the bride comments on how she wishes the candles at each table are lit since it is the "right time in the evening", he excuses himself. I'm fooled to think he just needs to find a restroom, but in a minute, a waitress begins to light the candles at each table. "Did you just... the candles...?" I ask, "Yeah," he replies smiling.

After the plates are cleared, I excuse myself to the restroom. I arrive back in a slight panic that the bride and groom are almost done cutting the cake and I didn't get pictures! Alas, of course he has already taken pictures for me.

Soon after dessert, we make our round of goodbye greetings. As we walk out to the car, he tells me how enjoyable the evening was, and I take hold of the opportunity to do the same.

He is my perfect date!

Free at last and before 5pm!

So our receptionist decided to leave extra early today to go up north and party (she's older but she's young at heart) which leaves me to cover the front desk.

Woohoo! This leaves me unattended and available to indulge in my online guilty pleasures that I have been neglecting: FB, Woot, making random wishlists on amazon and then deleting them, blogging, reading random recipes...

This weekend should be fun filled :) Including fooding, partyin', shopping, going to Catherine's wedding reception, and the F1 race on Sunday. Get ready!

One night and one more time

There are only a handful of people in my life that I can take any sort of critisizm, direction, or deep advice from. For the most part, it's the validity that counts. Does this mean I have a hard time trusting people?

A man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else.

Annnd, a sneak peek at this past, incredible weekend :)

Blogging about blogging

I regularly leave my blog un-updated for longer periods of time that I would like when these things happen:

1. I have absolutely nothing to write about.
2. I have so much to write about, I don't know where to start, so I just don't.
3. What I want to write about should not be posted where everyone can read.
4. I have something super good to write about that I'd rather just think about it.
5. I have something super bad to write about and I'd rather just think about it.

Time is not an issue - I always make time to write if I really want to.

In this case:
1. Nope
2. A lot has been going on with a newer part of my life.
3. I met someone amazing :)
4. Did I mention I met someone amazing?
5. And I got in a ridiculous car accident this past Friday.

Moves like sea breeze

I can't stop thinking about how I'm feeling this way!

Ratatat or something like that

I'm having an amazing weekend :)

Just rinse and repeat

Well, we made it official yesterday and swapped our stuff back. It actually wasn't sad or awkward at all until I gave him his key back and started crying.

On a separate note, I just got my hair cut about 4 1/2 inches. I'm pretty happy with the bangs but the rest of the cut is just so-so. Can you believe I agreed to that? I can't remember having actual bangs since I had them cut straight across my forehead when I was little.

Jam packed, fun weekend to come! More details later.

I bought these babies today

Soooo dress? Check. Shoes? Check. Date? Nope. Still deciding if I'm going by myself or going to try to con a guy friend into going with me. If only I could buy those off Amazon also. Or I could just not go. Wait who am I kidding? This is going to be the night my shoes make their big debut. I can't rob them of that :-P The only thing is, I have what is apparently called toe cleavage. When I put the shoes on and saw my toe cleavage, I sort of freaked out that my toes had somehow grown abnormally large recently (I didn't have this problem with any other shoes). But I asked CE, who is much more with this stuff than I am, and I guess it's the new, somewhat popular style. I checked online, and sure enough. It's a hate it or love it kind of look but I love these shoes so I'll risk looking like I have freakishly long toes just to wear them.

On a separate note, my new computer toys came in at work today! You'd thinking being in IT, we're spoil ourselves by always having the latest equipment. Nope. It wasn't until recently did Claude tell me to go ahead and order Kristi and myself Dell Latitude D830 laptops! To order them in a certain price range, we had to make sure everything "upgradeable" was as low of a spec as possible. Then we can, as Claude said to me, "pimp it out". It has a 15.4" screen, Core 2 Duo (2.20 Ghz), 24x CD/DVD RW, and 256MB NVIDIA® Quadro NVS 140M graphics card. I already upgraded the RAM (it had 512 MB and I added 2GB) and plan on upgrading the hard drive from 60 GB to 80 GB or 160 GB. Hmm what else can I do to actually pimp it out so it looks nice? I also have a new 22" Dell widescreen monitor to go with it. Claude let me have his old monitor when he got a new one, which then got traded out for the 22" (the old one was a 20"). Definitely super geeked - ahhh!!

I've forgotten to mention! Props to Blogger for all these awesome new features ! By far, Blogger has got to be the best and most sophisticated blogging site I've ever worked with. I feel like I'm finding new features every week that make editing entries and the template easier and more customizable. The best is that I've been looking online for a long time for an HTML code that will simply allow readers to flip through entries that are older or newer rather than having to click on all the archive links.

A few things I'm really looking forward to:

CE's Swedish meatballs on Friday - CE and BGS and I have gotten into this swing of cooking together/for each other. I'm have to boast I'm pretty impressed at what I sort of did. CE decided we would make some sort of asian noodles with veggies and some sauce her roommate had. I used my exquisite taste (not really, haha, I was just hungry) to add some soy sauce and PB to make it a little more Thai. Then over the weekend, BGS made chicken and peppers grilled in Italian dressing with the rest of the noodles we didn't use from the Thai dish. I already have my plans for food laid out, but it looks like that won't be until after Friday.

Zoo Day on Saturday - like last year except this year it will be at Toledo and not Detroit, and there will be no plus one for me :(

Sappy love songs and ice cream

Yesterday...
Novi to Dearborn to have lunch with Rau
Deaborn to Troy to see CGC people
Troy to Ann Arbor to see BGS and CE for dinner and ice cream
and then back home to sleep in my own bed.

I wasn't feeling up-to-par yesterday but I thought a little sleep and a new day would cure that. I woke up today feeling the most mopey I think I've felt since the breakup. Just a collection of thoughts I guess, and everything put together is just a little frustrating.

Today would have been our 2 1/2 year anniversary.

Quotes of my favorite boss

Are you late because you were on www.MySpaceBook.com or are you going all Lindsey Lohan on us?

Ocean Spray called and they want their cranberries back (after see a 3 liter jug of cranberry juice on my desk).

Let's start a new tradition everyday. Let's play a game where you, me, and Joe guess what time we each went to bed and what time we each got to work (it turned out that day that Joe went to work at 3:30am and I had gone to bed at 2:00am).

Tomorrow is IT spring cleanup day so you can wear your Jordache jeans to work if you want.

(In the middle of a meeting where I was drinking a tiny container of Danimal yogurt smoothie, he takes it from my hand and interrupts the meeting) Ha ha ha, me thirsty, me drink tiny smoothie!

If you can't get the purchase order shipped on time, you owe me 20 Coke bottle cap codes.

This relationship has become detrimental to my health

We had fire in our eyes
In the beginning I
Never felt so alive
In the beginning you
You blame me but
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't wanna hear it anymore

I swear I never meant to let it die
I just don't care about you anymore
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't care about you anymore

We had time on our side
In the beginning we
We had nothing to hide
In the beginning you
You blame me but
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't wanna hear it anymore

I swear I never meant to let it die
I just don't care about you anymore
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't care about you anymore

You say that I didn't try
You say that I didn't try
You say that I didn't try

I swear I never meant to let it die
I just don't care about you anymore
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't care about you anymore

We had fire in our eyes

Work was good today, as usual. I still have my little daily peeves with certain people *ahem* but I did a little coffee run with Courtney this morning because 7am to 7pm McDonald's has free coffee :) It's the smaller things that seem to make me especially happy right now.

I was thinking about my Chinese speaking abilities during class today (or rather, my lack of). I've developed some bad habits that stop me from learning Chinese progressively. Like when my mom and I talk to each other, I'll say a word in English if I can't think of it in Chinese. Or when I'm trying to get a thought out fast (we all know I have too much to say), I can't arrange the words in the same order as it is in English so I get frustrated and just say it in English. And most of all, I don't talk to anyone but my mom in Chinese unless I'm in Taiwan. I dunno.

Anyway, Chinese class wasn't even awkward with D until afterwards when we got in an argument about my broken bumper which ended in him calling me a bitch (I know he didn't mean it). I stormed off and came ridiculously close to getting in an accident with cars on both my right and left sides, one driving towards me, and I think that's when I started crying again.

I went for a power run with my baby doggie when I got home. I don't know why. I deeply hate running too, but I guess I was already so sweaty and my adrenaline was going it didn't even matter because I felt like I'd been running already. I must be super out of shape too, because I had a little trouble keeping up with my tiny 8 lb. dog. Gotta work on that, hahaha.

On another "good small things" note, my Tyrone Wells CD came in the mail today and it is just as good as I'd hoped!

I swear I never meant to let it die

Well, here I am again. Single. Oh wait a sec, what am I saying, I haven't been single in years. Ha.

I've been scrubbing this blog clean for the last few days to get ready to make it public again. Yeah I've been a little bit bitter, I think, so it was worthwhile to take the blog off line. Plus this is something to channel all of my energy into :)

A lot has been going on - work is keeping me pretty busy and I've been spending a bit of time with some new friends from work in Ann Arbor, which has been real awesome. Something new, you know? Thing only thing is that I am once again the baby of the group and just so happen to be the only one under 21 :( But I'm getting used to thinking about this ahead of time so I don't keep bogging people down.

At the Ann Arbor Art Fair I went to a few weeks back, we watched Tyrone Wells in concert. It was the first I'd heard of him but I bought the CD online :) His song "Sea Breeze" has got to be the most romantic song I've ever heard, hands down. I also really like "No Good Without You".

I spent the evening with CE, BGS, DB, and his girlfriend EL moving the guys into their new condo. I didn't wallow as much as I thought I would today. As a matter of fact, I had a lot of fun and it definitely took my mind off of everything. But here I am again at home, listening to sappy love songs, and feeling a bit of the break up aftermath. And I was just thinking of everything we've been planning: Cedar Point, Chinese classes, Catherine's wedding reception (which I RSVP'd for for him to come as my date already), Zoo Day, our talks about the Chicago trip, Sushi House... And I guess this also means no reunion of our gang this year, which upsets me.

I don't know if this was the right decision because I love and care so much about him, but I just can't handle a relationship anymore.