My first time ever voting

Today was my first time voting, and I went out of my way to make sure I got to vote!

As any other Tuesday or Thursday morning, I had to take a 45 minute buss to a class in Grand Rapids at 8:30am this morning. I had an exam at 11:30am, which I did a little extra studying for in between classes, and then at 12:45pm, I immediately hopped on a bus back to Allendale, and then another bus to go to the voting location. Waited in line almost an hour to vote, and took one bus back to Allendale again and another bus to Grand Rapids to be a few minutes late to my 4:00pm class.

I was flipping out because I was supposed to meet a group at 3:00pm for our group presentation at 4:00pm, and I not only had I missed that, but I didn't even know if I'd make it back to class on time. It got to a point where I was in line to vote and realized I could either vote and be late for a class our group was supposed to present in, or I could get out of line to make it back to class early enough to review with my group and ease into the actual class presentation.

I knew that if I wanted to get back just on time, I'd have to leave early. But I thought to myself "to hell with it" this is my first time having the opportunity to vote, I'll be late if I need to, even if my group is presenting to the class! I called my group members when I was on the bus, rehearsed while I was on the bus, and ran to class just a minute before we started. I didn't feel too bad that I had dumped a little bit on my group because I'd pulled my weight in the project earlier on, so it balanced out.

I was actually kind of nervous about voting, especially since I know I'm not super educated about all of the issues... I mean I tried to be but there are only so many things that actually apply to me that I understand). I knew my family was voting differently, and I'm told I'm so indecisive (that's the nice version that's been said to me) that I can't seem to make decisions on my own a lot. I know I contemplate a lot and ask for a lot of opinions, but yes, it's because I'm not confident in a lot of the decisions I make. But it's clear when I am confident in the decisions I make, and when I am, I'm extremely confident and demand to have it my way.

Also, something happened that evening that really took an unexpected, strange toll on my thoughts. I was having dinner with a friend who has strongly opposing views compared to mine. I'm usually quite passive when it comes to conversations about politics and religion because I think it is pointless getting into arguments (especially when a lot of people my age don't seem know what they're talking about), and I think it is more important to know what yourself thinks instead of convincing other people. Discussion is good, but I don't need to battle. Anyway the point is, for once, it really didn't sit right with me what this person was saying or how she was saying it. More so because we'd had a clean, healthy discussion about it before about how we completely disagreed, and here she was making a disrespectful, immature joke about it to my face and completely disregarding me. It'd happened before but I'd just shrugged it off, but maybe I was in my "election issues mode" so it bothered me. What am I trying to say here? I guess I was surprised at this because I don't usually feel too bothered by friends disagreeing on important issues, and I'm starting to see myself feel that way more often. Or maybe it's because we're newer friends and I didn't think she'd say something like that? I don't know, I'm just ranting now.

It makes me proud, for once, to be an American! I feel like I'm always struggling with this feeling that I'm not Asian enough to be Asian, not white (American) enough to be white, not girly enough to be a girly girl, not tomboy-ish enough to be a tomboy. I am somewhere in between everything and I have a hard time trying to figure out what to identify with. But this is one step towards something, and I'm still growing up in baby steps!