I've come to the conclusion

I take what I said back from my last post.

Working at Ricardo is like being in an abusive relationship.

Just gotta keep on truckin' I guess

It seems that lesson that has surfaced the most recently in my life is that "you just can't have it all".

I feel like different parts of my life are becoming unbelievably difficult while other parts of my life are excelling beyond belief. It is overwhelming to try to find a balance between things that make me cry because I am upset and thinks that make me cry because I'm happy.

While the situation with my family has been at the lowest of lows in all my life, my continuing struggle at work has taken a sharp turn for the better.

I recently had an extremely intense meeting with the President of Ricardo (who I currently report to due to an absence of leadership in the department), his executive assistant, and a marketing manager who has come and gone to her convenience since the same time I started working there.

We were able to sort out a lot of frustrating issues: this problem of incompetence with HR that has canceled my UK internship, this marketing manager who has been irresponsible and cannot commit to her job, me feeling undervalued in comparing my salary to my responsibilities, the overwhelming number of projects and upcoming events I don't have time for but don't have help with, the ongoing issue of not being able to fill the VP of BusDev/Marketing role, and what I need to do to transition what is left of this department when I leave for school in the fall.

I ended up riding with him through a Taco Bell drive-thru for lunch to continue the conversation before the next meeting he had that day. It sounds like a weird thing to do but it was a big step in another frustration I've been having, which is that I don't usually get along with him to begin with.

I am losing motivation the motivation to continue to work through these challenges in my life. It's hard to see the good through the bad, but as I isolate all of the parts of my life, I try to keep focusing on each individual situation and do what I can.

Happy Father's Day

Dad,

I hope you are out there enjoying life. I hope that you have changed and become a better person. I hope that your temper is under control and that you have learned to love and care.

I hope you don't make the same mistakes with your new family the way you did with our family. I hope you know your mistakes cost our family what was left of us. I hope your new family can appreciate the good person I hope you've come to be.

I hope you sometimes wonder how I am doing. I hope that you somehow know my accomplishments and are secretly proud of me. I hope you think of me once in awhile.

~ Your daughter

Bitter bitter bitter

I hate all that crap about "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission".

Taking a 180 in what I used to treasure the most

Blogging at work. This is what my jobs has brought me to: hiding out, eating a frozen food entree lunch by myself in my cubicle, catching up on blogs and yahoo's week in photos, trying to avoid getting back to work.

I'm bitter because the plans for me to go to the UK fell through and now I have nothing to motivate me to put up with this job I'm starting to hate except that I need the money.